Every Day is Exactly the Same

I just don't get into Holidays, but as I've aged I've gotten more into Family days.  Any extended time I have to spend sharing my favorite activities with my kinfolk really makes me appreciate them and feel love in a way that I otherwise am devoid of.  So, with my off time, beside medicating to get over my Sinus Infection, and seemingly worse allergic reaction I had to the Levoquin generic, I have been stuck on repeat.

I have slept in, ate one meal a day (my mom's delicious Turkey-less Thanksgiving fixins) and watched movies at her place.  It's funny how I went through phases of intense animosity towards both my parents after their divorce and as I became more aware of their human faults.  I also had times as I got older where I developed intense respect for them as certain other traits resonated with me.  So taking that time to watch some popcorn movies and one head scratcher has taken precedent over house work and other endeavors.  There wasn't a whole lot of that in my childhood, so to have that time now really puts me at ease.  I can see how some folks I've known can resent their parents so much, cause maybe just maybe, they shared that kind of time with their parents a lot when they were young and have been denied it as they grew up and fell out of favor with their parents for one reason or another?  I'm just speculating.

Anyways, I did a little brainstorming, as I always do, but I had more time to do it these last few days, and it'll be that much easier to move forward and start putting things into motion, at least as far as blogging and journalism are concerned.  I have a title for the Interview Project, and I think it's a good one, all that's left is the logistics of publishing the content online, and uh... getting content.  Oh well, no one's getting paid, so no need to rush.

I'm So Sick (that one should be obvious)

I'm going to keep it brief because typing breaks the concentration I have to put towards breathing and managing my sinus content.  But since this isn't a music blog, I guess taking time to talk about how Music augments my body chemistry and allows me to be productive and energized at times when my body is literally breaking down and betraying itself is okay? Well it's my blog, so i guess i can do as i please. 

Being infiltrated with infection and bacteria, and my body responding by drowning itself in ooze in my respiratory tract does something to my mind and spirit.  Flyleaf will always have a place in my heart for this anthem that actually takes the guttural metal screams that I have no love for whatsoever, and makes it tolerable just that once, even though the version I first heard muted it out, or was it the other way around, where I heard it with the scream, but then a version without it went up in it's place later?  Oh well, it's one of those songs that helped to uproot me from a rut.  Anthems come in all flavors.  This one was Sour Apple.  Right about now, my nodes feel swollen like I had a piece of that Laffy Taffy perpetually on my tongue, but nope, just other green crap now and then when I cough hard enough. So grody.

Pay this vessel no mind, alone remain, floating here

This isn't a music blog, and if I keep to the ethos I have in mind, it will never be.  And yet, and yet, it's a personal blog, and music has a profound impact on my state of mind.  That said, for once, the title of this blog, and the song it references, are the soul inspiration for it's genesis.  Someone was looking for help deciphering the lyrics of the song via the above posted youtube performance, which I listened to and corrected.  Needless to say, if ever there was a brilliant way to plant a song into someone's consciousness beyond tertiary exposure, that was the way to go, and boy oh boy did it work!

Dark Lonely Ocean by Naive Thieves


A shadow in the swell 
a weary old whale 
I'm drifting through the night 

blacker than tobacco spit 
abiding the water's writ 
I'm ready to head to port 

I hope you find 
uncharted seas beyond divides 
pay this vessel no mind 
alone remain floating here 

dark lonely ocean 

somewhere along the way 
a lantern upon a wave 
came crashing against the hull 

still crooked, I crane to see 
delicate company 
you said oh, it's trouble time 

I hope you find 
uncharted seas beyond divides 
may this vessel of mine 
alone remain floating here 

dark lonely ocean 

you anchored a family 
a dimming memory 
I'd held fast in your wake 

ill fated back and fill 
return me to the soul and swill 
let me sink into your arms 

I hope you find 
uncharted seas beyond divides 
may this vessel of mine 
alone remain floating here 

dark lonely ocean


The song can be found for download at http://naivethieves.com as part of their EP or alone.  Either way, the song taps into an emotional condition that puts me in the same mood that Freedy Johnston's Blue Days Black Nights did, melancholy and adrift.  The thing is, for a change, I wasn't in a melancholy mood and came across this song which satisfied it. The power of this song compels me to be in that kind of mood to justify playing it on repeat.  Sort of like Mindy Smith's Love Lost, but you know, I'll be the first to tell you, if the heartache it takes to make this kind of music is a necessity for it's genesis, and appreciation, I'd forgo it and I wouldn't miss it. I'd be too busy enjoying the sweetness of life with no regrets.  I'd be spinning One by Sunny Day Real Estate 24/7;  Live  so you can see the energy they put in this one and the Smile on Dan's Face, and Studio so you can hear the anthemic perfection of this swirling epic.

Elephant's Memory

When I was a kid I had a neighbor who shared a lot of interests with me, except for one quirk.  He was more interested in aeronautics than I was.  It's funny how physical proximity had zero to do with our personal interests in common, but chronological proximity did.  We were five days shy of a year apart in age.

So, without fail, he was always a little more into things than I was, ahead of me.  Our toy collections, and predisposition for treating them like collector's items were things we had in common, but I was more into GI Joe back then, and he was more into Star Wars, but we were into each of them. Ironically, though it didn't register then, his dad worked for Mcdonnell Douglas & mine was an Army Reservist.  I think Decepticons put me off planes mostly.  Had it registered then, our preferences would have made more sense.  At least it seems so when I think about it in retrospect.

I'm thinking of my old neighbor because Radiohead comes to town around his birthday.  A few years back it dawned on me that back in 1986 when we had competing ideas for Transformers the Movie sequels his character Shockspearimus Prime's name might have been a play on Shakespeare.  Pretty heady for an 11 year old, and obviously over my head.  Maybe it wasn't?  I haven't asked.  I remember thinking my Titanus Prime (in retrospect that is an unfortunate name) was better cause Titan becoming Titanus Prime was superior to Hot Rod becoming Rodimus Prime or Shocker become Shockspearimus Prime.  But I was an Ego-maniacal prick as a child anyways.  I just thought Shockspearimus was an odd mouthful.  That was enough to sour me on the whole thing.  When your name is Willie, you tend to take nomenclature seriously.  I spent a lot of my life coming up with better names for myself than the one I was given at birth.

Now, I remember reading the dossier on the back of a GI Joe's package (I'm pretty sure it was Bazooka's), and knew to ask his mom how to pronounce the character's name.  She was an educator, but, I never remember being formally told so, I just sort of knew???  It was confirmed a decade later when in college my sophomore year RA mentioned having her for English class in High School.  If I had the combination of exposure to more information about my neighbor and contextual awareness, I would have figured out that Shockspearimus might have equaled a Shakespeare reference, and makes me wish I remembered more of his actual story to pick up on any other allusions or homages to the bard.  But I was a pretty unrefined kid at that point, and didn't really explore anything beyond contemporary comic books until I moved from good old Cool Valley and started thinking I was an Immortal and sparing with the neighborhood tough kid where I moved.

The Man That Got Away

So, I previewed a blog about "How to Be Single".  You could call it "How Not To Be A Player" if we're dealing in terms of whack 90s movies.  So here goes, a break down of relationship breakdowns, a simple guide to losing your interest in being romantically involved (sans the really embarrassing details) :

As Pre-schooler, treat all girls you like as if you hate them.  Torment them for the sake of getting their attention.

Witness the archetypical relationship in your life, your parents, end the summer Tears For Fears Shout comes out, and Cruel Summer by Bananarama. Listen to, learn to love, but never question why there are copies of the 12" singles for Owner of A Lonely Heart & If You Love Someone Set Them Free (keep them in your possession for perpetuity) in your parents' record collection.

Starting with 2nd Grade never tell anyone flatly that you like them.  Keep it secret, beat around the bush, and then wait till the last possible minute to unleash some grand gesture and admission of your feelings, only to find out they aren't reciprocated or it's just not practical or wouldn't be moral if they were.  Also, set a song about a little girl to the Transformers theme music melody, slowed down to a crawl (cause their names have 3 syllables, all three girls I wrote em' for), be aware that its genius doesn't hold up over time.

Humor and then withdraw from the girls who are obviously and demonstratively "into you" for the warm comfort of  halfheartedly humoring the thought of being involved with someone out of your reach for whatever reason.

Become so self-involved and able to entertain yourself that having to find time for someone else becomes an alienating process and leaves you seeking someone with the exact same interests manifesting in the exact same ways, or at least ways that compliment your predispositions.

Never learn how to comfortably communicate with couples, only individuals one at a time in isolation, so that all social interactions involving couples become ultra-awkward and frustrating. It doesn't hurt to loath couples-based activities either.

More to come...

Go To Sleep

One of the unfortunate side effects of letting yourself get out of shape, when in the past you've been very athletic, is that when you "kickstart" your metabolism it goes full throttle.  That happened to me this past weekend, and as a result, I have slept no more than 4 hours each night for the last three.  I'm running about 11 hours in the last 72 and I don't know how I made it through today without a nap or anything.  I had a few facepalm zone-out moments in the morning, but it didn't last long.  I think the key was staying busy to the Nth power at work, and then when I got home, up until now.

It was like Jenga, but Memento style, disorienting and treacherous if you don't pay attention, but also pretty straight forward.  That was my day today, and I'm worried about a crash, but so far so good, I'm rolling along, and just hope I don't catch a "Second-Wind" the curse of the revitalized athletic metabolism, which is this weird thing, where, when you should be tired and drained, you push through it, and have to force yourself to rest, or embrace that you don't actually need to rest to continue.  It's a strange way to be, akin to what soldiers tap into during war time when sleep is a luxury you can't always afford.  I'm hoping to get back on track today, cause tomorrow is Hump day indeed, and getting over the hump is a whole lot easier on a full night's rest.  Maybe I can eat myself to sleep?