Trouble

I first heard this song while manning the counter of Rinehart's Sound Shoppe in the summer of 1998 via the double disc Lilith Fair Vol. 1 cd.  I want to say it was track 9 on disc one {It was actually track 7 on disc 2}.  It was my first exposure to Shawn Colvin's music.  The song, one among many standout tracks from incredible and legendary talents who were featured on that tour, stood out.  The version on that disc was more intimate thanks to being driven primarily by acoustic guitar and voice. The tone suited my mood at that time. In the midst of upheaval, much of which was partly my own doing, I felt my life was at a turning point.  Was I content on the path I seemed to be headed on?  How was I going to process everything that came before the moment that song emerged as a sign post to my own moment on clarity & self-awareness?

"Trouble" felt like an uncanny representation of the problem I found prevalent in the preceding years of my adolescence. The man I was becoming was crippled by the wounds of a damaged and emotionally complicating childhood.  As a teen my propensity for enabling and codependency was an unknown quantity to me. I was so ( arguably & justifiably ) withdrawn that I lacked the capacity to develop any personal relationship with enough depth/ attachment to expose my propensity for enabling and codependency. Those particular character flaws would become a personal demon of mine, short-circuiting efforts to be empathetic, friendly, and romantic.  I haven't come back to this song very often since 1998 or 1999, but old truths don't really age. My goal, since I recognized my propensity to gravitate towards dysfunction, has been to circumvent my personality quirks and flawed emotional idiosyncrasies.  "Trouble" comes to mind every time I get a hint that I'm on a familiar path, a reminder to not only Know Better, but to Do Better, by myself, and everyone else. Until I master that skill, I have these fortuitous words of wisdom to humble me:

Trouble - http://www.shawncolvin.com/music/trouble

By: Shawn Colvin, John Leventhal and Tom Littlefield

Baby let me set you down
You look so troubled and I think I know
Just when you think you've come around
There you go

Now I know the business of the heart
And it'll get you anyway it can
You need someone to walk with in the dark, well
I'm your man

I go to the trouble like a magnet
That's where I'll be
Trouble is just a place to sing
It's what you need

I swear you look like you're in jail
And all at once you're halfway out the door
One foot dancing, one foot nailed
To the floor

Chasing those circles in the ground
The same old shit is still the same old lie
Just when you think you've got it down
Watch it fly

I go to the trouble like a light
Or like a dare
Trouble is just a friend to me, I know
It'll always be there

It's really hard to make your peace
So give me some credit for the hell I've paid
This world's a blessing and a beast
Everyday

So come on baby let me show you how
The less you know the more I comprehend
You don't have to drag me down
I descend

I go to the trouble and I like it
That's where I'll be
Trouble is just like love, if it's half the way
It's all I can see
And it's just what you need