"Sleep tight for me..."

So, I just woke up, after getting all the sleep I could ever want within a 24 hour period, something that wasn't a reality for me during my work weeks.  I've been waking up between 3am and 5am after going to bed sometime around 11pm on most nights, and that just wasn't getting the job done.  That's pretty much how it went down yesterday, save for the location being my Mother's house instead of my own.  I woke from a strange dream, meandered around, hopped on the computer, watched the GI Joe Retaliation trailer & failed a number of IQ and memory tests on the viral marketing Cobra Recruitment website, got my blog on, and headed for the door once I was clearly conscious.

It was frigid out, ice particles forming on all the cars. I'm not one to waste gas, or energy, so I couldn't be content waiting for the car to warm up or scraping ice off the windshield, so I drove off with a nice screen saver of sorts providing a seasonal theme to my field of vision from the driver's seat.  It was a nice uneventful 3 minute commute to my driveway.  One Apple Cinnamon bowl of instant Oatmeal and half a stack of Townhouse crackers with Fat Free Cheddar Cheese later I found myself dreaming of trying to get out and go drinking.  Those plans falling apart, I went about visiting my cousin's house, occupied by a younger sibling they don't have, that has never existed.  At that point, I may or may not have made a trip back north to my Aunt's old house in Pennyrich Farms. It's fuzzy, but I'm pretty sure that's where I was, in the dining room, when Lazytown must have come on, and my subconscious brain assumed it was a cartoon, since the first time I'd ever see the show would be when I woke up and it was still on.

My dreams sometimes serve an important emotional purpose for me. They clear the decks.  Whenever there is an irreconcilable situation in my life, by circumstance or personal choice by the parties involved, I've been bailed out in my dreams.  By hook or crook the situations get resolved there, and though the resolution isn't real, it's enough for me to wake feeling liberated from the burden of regret or disenchantment.  It's like my life is my own again, and not the feelings that have been eating away at me on some level.  The feeling runs deep enough that it allows for me to approach those situations or people with the weight off my shoulders and a fresh set of eyes.  Maybe I'm maladjusted to some degree, embracing this sort of detachment?   I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.  I mean, making time to sleep in is far more convenient for me than drugs or therapy, especially when it's pedestrian life matters that get me psychologically wound up more often than not.  I save those greater existential questions  for prayer and meditation, which usually gets the job done as far as quelling the stirring in my mind.  It's truly a relief to wake up and not be who I was when I fell asleep, but I have to wonder, am I more myself or more someone, something else?  Who's am I? What am I becoming?   Apparently, I am still a Huge fan of Tighter and Tighter by Soundgarden, which is the song I have linked and quoted for the title of this post.  That hasn't changed in 15 years, though I have.