Hell Bent

Okay, The song in question is a personal favorite to the Nth degree, the Video as well.  What's tricky is the emotional state the song evokes in contrast to the title, at least in me.  I think more than I act, even when I'm acting like a manic obsessive compulsive (usually happens when I'm building/ assembling, amassing, or organizing things).  That said, whenever I feel Hell Bent on doing something or another, it's a self-conscious effort because I'm so aware that I'm going beyond what would be reasonable in that moment.

Am I one of those people who just gets in moods? Am I persistently melancholy?  I can't really say, and yet I tend to relate to people who seem to be the latter.  But I have a sardonic sense of humor about that.  The older I get, the more truncated my emotional range seems to become, if only because the stuff of life becomes more transparent, and it's harder ( and often naive) to have unfettered reactions.  Am I as callous as I or others think myself to be?  I don't really know.  I probably don't think about it as much as I should, or question it.  That sense of humor of mine is a handy dandy coping mechanism that lets me coast through at times where it would be more appropriate to turn to faith or some reserve of conviction and hope.  Instead I settle for some low-grade existential resignation in place of genuine humility.  It's a cheap substitute, which is appropriate since I've become so miserly with my emotional attachment.  I don't think that's going to earn me my wings, and if I'm content to go on like this, I truly am hell bent, and that's a shame.