Enjoy the Silence

I passively accepted that I would not use this blog to ramble on about music.  It's been so much of my existence and identity. My joy of it seems less because it was ever present for so long. These days quiet is the constant in my life, at work, at home, anywhere I find myself stationary.  Music has been reserved to a movement specific indulgence.  I used to be late all the time, to school, to work etc. cause I was always trying to finish a song before I left. That's the honest to God truth. I didn't put thought into how long a song or album was when I would wake up or get ready to music, my mind was focused on the emotional reaction it inspired.

I don't know when the turn from music began, but I know it really settled in when I started Biking.  No distractions allowed was my motto, focus on the road, the vehicles, the pedestrians, cause they're probably preoccupied.  Then I got my driver's license after all these years, and wanted to really focus on driving. Once I got comfortable, music and driving because a lockstep procedure.  Only when I thought there was problem with my car did I turn off the music.  And so it's remained.

My knee jerk reaction to being dumped twice over in years 4 and 5 of a relationship was to write about the concerts I went to, journalism as therapy.  It was a win win given the lack of coverage for so many artists I liked.  After a while journalism got in the way of my enjoyment of the shows.  I would rather just move and emote, I didn't want to have to think about setlists, memorable details.  Concerts where zone-out experiences in the past, and after a while I chose to let them be that again.  Same with listening to cds. A cd review in my head became a simple 5-point scale lfrom like do dislike.  The details of what I hear just don't vary enough for me to sustain a regular practice of writing about music.  I'm really only writing about my perspective, not the music itself.

So writing about music is a byproduct of genuine inspiration.  The music is so good that I have to go beyond moving and emoting to vocalizing my appreciation of it.  Instead of trying to explain how good something is to each of my friends who might be interested individually, I might write a article about a band.  To expose more people to the artist I might pursue and interview.  These are the little things I do, but more than anything I'm content to thank them if I see them at a show, and support through a purchase of some sort if I can swing the cash and don't have the goods or have someone to gift them to.

All in all, I've found it easy to just be mellow and quiet, I've conditioned myself to it over time, and it works for me.  I spend more time hearing my voice in my head than I do using it thanks to text messages.  The other twisted satisfaction I get is when I see people making mistakes driving or blathering into their cells arguing with someone about something in public and think, "I used to be that person all the time, tethered to communicating with someone for some purpose that was a cautionary tale at best."  I see them, and I see bondage.  I make sure they don't run into me and go about my merry way.  I used to say that love was about comfortable silences.  I knew some people who thought that was a really nice idea/ ideal to pursue.  I didn't really understand the depth of what that means when you are deeply involved with someone.  It means, being comfortable enough to not care whether or not someone is acknowledging when you are near or far.  It's faith in the notion that when the time comes they will acknowledge you warmly, but are fine not hearing from you until that time comes.


i'll proof this later, time to build...something.