Dreams

I remember my dreams, occasionally have lucid ones.  Sometimes I have ones that play out in reality.  You could say my subconscious mind is just recognizing the path of things going on in my life I refuse to directly acknowledge, or you could say I have had brushes with precognition.  I don't mean De Ja Vu either, I've experienced that so often in life I distinctly know the difference.  What I am talking about is full out dreams with specific details about individuals that turn out to be realities.  Some of these realities are coin toss presumptions, and then there are more esoteric observations.  Those things often inform how I behave towards people, how I approach situations and circumstances.  If there's one thing I do, it's listen. I tend to hang on every word, gesture, nuance, hint of a nonverbal cue when I find myself curious about a person or situation.  Sometimes I create opportunities to listen.  Sometimes I let them find me, if only to confirm or debunk the things intimated to me in my dreams.

As it stands, the one area my dreams have proven the most telling, is in my love life.  I'm keen on avoiding self-fulfilling prophesies, but I have to be honest and admit that there are a few pivotal life experiences that played out in detail as they were depicted in a dream under what would otherwise require improbable turns of events, the nature of which my mind could never fathom beforehand.  That being my history, when confronted with a dream that informs me of details I have not been given about those in my life that ultimately come to light little by little, I'm compelled to "Follow the Omens" and trust my instincts, even those some would label as superstitious or supernatural, depending on your stance on extrasensory phenomena.

In this case, I find myself particularly derailed.  My dreams let me know I could scratch the surface of a situation. What seemed innocent and playful was an outgrowth of something traumatic and consuming, so much so, those on the periphery of the situation at its onset would find themselves completely shut off from it at its climax, and resolution.  There is something to be said for a dream when you find yourself witnessing a person's life unraveling until ultimately a crisis overtakes their existence.  It was harrowing, but what troubled me in the dream, was the way I felt early on when the distance was broached, and the impact of the resignation that set in when the distance was expanded, and I found myself cut-off in the end, rightfully so.

My reality has mirrored that interaction, and I have, by nature, second-guessed my impulse which is an innate desire to relate to, draw nearer to the subject of my dream, knowing good and well, something deep within me is aware that matters are such that the situation may not be one that will prosper my heart & mind.  Who or what is in control?  It would seem fate is intervening on my behalf yet again, as it has with the last two subjects of my "epics" as far as dreams are concerned.  When I feel myself being drawn into the whirlpools of emotional obligations, I have been shown the door by circumstance.  For this, for some reason, be it a fault of character or simple weakness, I am grateful.

I would love to have bliss in this world, but this world is not meant for bliss.  I would enjoy finding solidarity and comfort in someone I set myself apart for in fidelity, and they do likewise, but have trouble finding a path to that end I can invest in with confidence. The paths to romance in my life have been roughly hewn, and I don't have the patience to stumble around aimlessly trying to get a foothold on an ever contorting and slippery path.  So I have chosen to play the listener, hint at being the provocateur, taking things as they are, waiting to see what will be given, how close it is to what I want, but have decided I may very well deny myself, for the sake of things I value more than gratification.  I want lasting satisfaction, so when I entertain a dance around what someone else seems willing to share, or what I've gleaned from dreams, this song, this Incredibly Bewitching song by Fleetwood Mac, gains heft in life experience that it had previously conveyed to me in essence, such that I need not live out the lessons it foretold.

Thunder only happens when it's raining, Players only love you when they're playing, Women they will come and they will go, When the rain washes you clean, you'll know...
You'll know.