Happy

This song came into my life 15 years ago, after a brutal summer of transition and revelation.  My world was in upheaval, and this song seemed to capture that experience, it's energy.  It was like a wrecking ball swinging through my reality, which was surreal enough as it is.  Looking back on the last school year, since my life is still organized around the school year calender after all this time, this year has been a trip.  When I think of all that's happened in the span of the last 12 months, it's actually rather dark, but when has life not been defined by contrasts?  Contrast is a constant in my world.

In 1998 a series of dreams heralded in the changes in my mind, and my life.  One came to fruition word for word.  Then  what will be 10 years ago a dream came to fruition in actions, not words, and changed the course of two lives, on of which being mine.  I can't really recall any dreams this year.  It was last year's dream, roughly a year ago this time, that radically altered my course, and undermined my perception of things around me.  It wasn't long before things started to get strange, old threads were woven back into my story, if only to prove they had no place in it as they were, and others were severed after years passing sans a connection.

Though it can be overwhelming, I am blessed and grateful for this life I have, even when I don't know where it's heading, if anywhere other than a constant loop.  I've found some measure of ease and that may be the closest thing I could possibly hope for at this stage in my life's story.  I know, when I heard this song back then, the idea of it playing as the world fell apart seemed like an appropriate visualization for the music.  In these imaginings I always saw myself making it out of the chaos.