Spellbound

The song that bares this title is a a personal favorite of mine.  Just a wicked combination of all the things I could ever think to call suave in a song.  The album, the Band, The AM, really got overlooked. Such a shame.  Anyway, I don't have much to say.  If you've been reading these posts, there are moments where I allude to someone who has become the object of my unexpressed, or should I say indirectly expressed affection.  I can't rightly explain why I hits me like a ton of bricks, but it does, it has for a while, and only recently did I allow myself to be open to it in the least bit.

I have been as coy as I think i am capable of, and only recently have I taken opportunities to show my cards a tidbit, but, I left myself an out. As usual, I got a mixed reaction or had a breakdown when trying to discern one that may not have been there.  That I can't easily figure out how to take things, how to express ideas, thoughts, and feelings, is a sign of how beguiled I am. And it was all accomplished with subtlety and sweetness. I have left my options open, knowing that what I am trying to understand may not be one at all, but it was undeniable today that  beneath the surface I am hopelessly entangled emotionally, and freely absorbing the best of someone else is going to require moving beyond this long developing enchantment I've fallen under. It's always been there, in denial, and I've always shunned it as a star struck kind of puppy love that's not uncommon for its subject.  The real question is whether her expressed ignorance of the effect she has on people is a coy charade, a state of denial, or genuine ambivalence to the reactions she elicits from others?

Regardless, this song is incredible, and she is undeniably present in my mind.  When she's present in the flesh, it's like my eyes are tethered to the wake of her movements. When I think of her, as cliche as it may be, I think of a song by the former bandmate of two of the three members of The AM   The impact someone like this has on you is a litmus test of a man's righteousness, because you can't in good consciousness give anyone else the impression that you have room for them in your heart and mind when it's occupied by someone out of your reach, possibly in large part because you're hesitant to extend it towards them and leave yourself open, or be so eager you're not prepared to catch yourself if you fall... flat on your face.