Doin' Everyday The Hard Way

This was my Theme song when it came out 1997 or so. I was struggling to cope with my circumstances and responsibilities, in a prison of my own making.  When the backing vocalist says "This ain't livin', it's existing." I related to that on such a deep level.  In many ways I still can, when I look at the state of the world, the preoccupations we've all developed to pass the time in lieu of the psychological breakdowns that should be the proper response to the psychotic state of humanity.

I've mellowed, learned to cope with my frustrations, to let go, detach myself intellectually, or emotionally.  I work with kids, and they are a reality check if ever there was on.  Kids don't filter their frustration, they amplify them.  When they suffer, they struggle to cope and move on.  Kids these days are thought to have it so much better than kids of the past, because of technology.  I beg to differ.  I beg to differ.  They have it worse because there are more distractions for the people who the sun and the moon to them.  There are more frustrations when those kids act on their emotions and demand attention when it's not forthcoming because an adult is immersed in those aforementioned preoccupations.  All to often the consequence for their interjections is some manner of abuse, of the emotional or physical sort.  Childhood becomes a prison for kids.  They have nowhere to go, have to rely on some authority to provide them food, clothing, and shelter.  If they agitate the authority they suffer, with no recourse, no vindication, other than growing up, becoming independent, and getting away.

When I talk to adults, about the state of the world, our environment and circumstances, it's easy to use hindsight to convey the idea that I, that we, are somehow more well-adjusted than these poor kids.  Maybe it's true?  Maybe it's an acknowledgement that we survived that prison of youth ourselves, and we can honestly relate to the trauma these unfortunate children are experiencing?  Maybe not?  Maybe we've forgotten/ detached ourselves/ moved on?  I'm not sure one way or another.  I know that i wasn't well-adjusted as a child, I was a mess.  I alternated between being extremely introverted and outrageously extroverted.  Polite and well-mannered when it was required, an absolute mess otherwise.  Knowing I was doesn't make it better now, or give me the right to judge anyone else more or less harshly.  But it serves as a reminder that regardless of how I feel about things, it ain't all good, and my personal feelings of well being are an internal barometer of my capacity to cope, not the actual condition of my circumstances.