"Tutti (That's what my mama calls me).

I guess it must of been playing a lot back around the time she had me. Little Richard you know?"
~anonymous

It was around 12:20PM on my fourth consecutive day off from work due to inclimate weather. I had already been shuttled to my home and back by a passerby driving a bluish late model Pontiac. She had gone so far as to suggest Kitty Litter to help get my car out of the mass of snow I'd gotten myself stuck in.  But the snow was about 7 inches deep, and the rock salt I had wasn't gonna do the trick.  I normally keep my shovel in the back of my wagon, but I'd bent the plastic one I had with the aluminum handle last spring in the mega snow, where each shovel load weighed nearly 20 lbs.  My go-to was an aluminum shovel with a 2" thick wood handle. I'd used it on my driveway the previous day, and after that workout, I just opted to leave it next to the front door.  And that's just where it was.  The Pontiac driver offered to take me to get it, and I leapt at the opportunity.  But how did I even get stuck?

Well, the roads are treacherous and my car is prone to fishtailing. I've gotten used to it after 5.5 years.  What I won't ever get used to is driving tired.  I usually just sleep where I am rather than drive a little groggy.  This morning I'd already driven downtown and back, narrowly making it to the Greyhound station in time to get my nephew on his bus back south.  It was a triumph considering how my last trip to the Bus/Train station went (check out my blog title K. C. Jones).  On the way back I took the long way home, Market, to Grand, to 70, because 40 was backed up westbound from downtown.  I stopped over at my Mom's on the way home since it's right on the route, greeted my fam, and had a little to eat,, and laid down for a few minutes.  I took out their trash and hopped in my car, homeward bound.  Less than a minute from there, at the stoplight where I make my right, I neglected the fact that they'd only partially plowed the turning lane, and drove straight into a drift of slush mush that shouldn't be there.  My fault totally.  I got out, surveyed the situation, and went to digging with my hands.

A couple was walking by, and suggested cardboard boxes in lieu of the shovel I'd left at home.  I walked over to Dollar General which was on the other side of the intersection.  I was going to buy a shovel, but they'd been sold out since the last snowstorm.  The gladly gave me boxes to use.   I tried the boxes, but there was just too much snow under the chassis of the car for it get any traction on the boxes.  I broke out my window scraper, and then a two wheel cart that we use at work to move stuff around to pummel the snow away.  One man came walking by and said he wished he could help, but couldn't. I thanked him.  Another guy walked by silently, avoiding looking in my direction.  No big deal.  Walkers deserve more slack than all the drivers that drove by.  I just kept digging and trying to move the car. I was able to move a few inches.  That's when the driver stopped and I got my ride home.

That drive, whose name I didn't get, told me about how she's hit her head yesterday because she slipped on her porch.  Her daughter had been playing with Hot Water outside.  I used Gary Coleman's story to broach symptoms to look out for.  The good thing was she hit her had on the house, not the ground, but she thinks she may have been knocked out for a second.  She let her family know to keep an eye out for her if she zoned out.  We talked about the affect the weather was having on people working, and landlord's wanting their money regardless.  I mentioned how I'd been off all week, thankfully because I work in the school system, and she mentioned she had a couple of daughters in our district, so I told her if she ever needed help with anything to ask someone on staff there about me, that they should know who I was, or someone who did.

Shovel in hand I went to digging my car free, and  inches became feet, though progress was not as fast as I expected.  My strategy was to turn the car 90 degrees because I was about 15 feet into the muck, but only maybe 6 feet from the pavement if I cut perpendicular.  I was about 45 degrees into the move (with each turn I had to excavate more snow) when another car stopped after passing me.  The guy didn't have on a jacket, but I even felt warm today after the last couple of days.  Feeling warm when it's 28 degrees is just silly, but it is what it is.  He was in good spirits, and I let him know I was close and had gotten some help from the driver who'd hit her head.  He still offered to shovel since he'd figured I needed a break.

My pivot move had managed to get the entire front 3/5s of the car in as much slush as when I started, so he went about clearing it.  As I thank him, he explained that he didn't do anything but drive people to get their medicine and appointments because he's been on social security since 2003.  Now, the man didn't look to be older than his mid to late 40s, but there's an explanation, that he shared almost immediately.  He'd won a settlement because he was struck by an unmarked police car doing 70 mph with no lights or sirens on.  His neck was broken in two places, he had brain damage, and another injury I can't recall.  He didn't mind helping because he needed the exercise.  I mentioned how I got stuck, and I knew better, I'd been blessed to have strangers help out of the kindness of their hearts.

We talked a little about faith and he mentioned that when people hear that voice in their head telling them the right thing to do that they ignore, it's not a voice in their head.  "Man something was telling me I should..." that is the voice he means, the one that is always right, when your judgement is wrong.  Given his story, I imagine some people would say, "Consider the source." At the same time, here's a man who had his neck broken in two places shoveling snow for me.  I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.  He earned my good will by merit of his own, and what he was saying, in essence, even for those who don't believe in any kind of theistic God, it does at least provide a way to qualify a altruistic moral compass within yourself, for those looking for a subjective internalized authority.  That's what becomes God in the absence of Theism anyway, so in the broad philosophical sense he might be right no matter how you look at it.

I did another pivot move and we neared freedom.  As we did another car pulled by, then over.  This guy, a tad younger suggested  that a push was all that was needed to clear the final hurdle.  I gave it a go, and they pushed and that pretty much did the trick.  He gave us both the "Bro-hug", wished us well with a smile and pulled off.  I didn't get to ask his name, but I made sure to mention my name to the man who'd done the shoveling, and asked him his.  And that brings us back to the Title of this blog, and the first line.  Those where his responses.  I thanked him and wished God's blessing on him and he did likewise and home I went.

What is so poignant about my experience is, when I first took my car out after clearing my driveway on Wednesday, I left the house without a shovel OR my cell phone and drove to the grocery store.  This was when it was at its coldest and the roads were garbage. I realized how dumb it was, but rolled with it.  When I dropped my nephew off at the Greyhound, I had to double back with his luggage. The parking lot was just slush everywhere, so I had to carry this massive pullman he had. We had arrived a minute after the bus was scheduled to depart and he was afraid the bus pulling off was his.  When I came in he was at the counter and had found out his ticket wasn't paid for.  I HAD my phone, and he was able to call and get it taken care of. When he came into town 2 weeks ago as a surprise, he sat at the North Hanley Metrolink station in the freezing weather in a spring jacket (he'd come up from Alabama) he sat there for 3 hours because no one would let him use their phone (he didn't have one).  Here's hoping his ride home is uneventful and safe and he doesn't need a cell to use.

The other thing that struck me right after I realized I was stuck was that I didn't really have anyone I would immediately call to help. The family I see regularly are all getting up in age. They're at that point in life where people call them for money, not labor.  The friends I have my age that I would lean on, those were my college friends, and most all don't live in the state, or if in St. Louis, not close. Once I was of means (bus, bike, car) I did my best to not call on them for anything. After a while, when you don't have those extensions of friendly good will and support as part of your relationship with people, it feels out of place or intrusive to ask.  The thought that follows is, "What kind of friendships do I have if they fall short or what I feel were the prototypical friendships of my past?"  I guess it comes with a sense of community, and I don't have any personal friends that are part of my community proper.  That's something that churches used to provide, a sense of community and shared values. Ironically, partly because of my upbringing and life experience, I would feel bad if I went to a church just to get to know people in my community.  Ironically, the church I frequented the most had a large number of people who didn't live in the community. 

What this hammered home for me was that, circumstances provide opportunities to witness the power of  faithfulness and kindness and thus friendliness. In these moments, in the person of strangers you will find true friendship in the absence of your true friends.  When Jesus said the world will know him through how his followers treat one another, and the greatest commandment was to love God with all your heart and treat your neighbor as you would like to be treated he laid a foundation for unimpeachable moral character so that anyone aiming to obey those commands sincerely is predisposed to be a boon to others.  Because of that, the song title, I Have A Friend In Jesus rings pretty true right now.  Those that know him, took a moment to know me, and help me. Even those who don't know him, but know what it means to pursue love and kindness altruistically and give of themselves selflessly for the benefit of others because they've seen what good it can do in the world through the example of others, well, in those actions, they have come to know him, Jesus, vicariously.  At least that's my take on it. I've been bless with those who have done Good, and shared Love, and what is God if not Good and Love?

Ahead By a Century

Has there ever been a better band name than the Tragically Hip?  i firdt heard them in the great musical flood of 95' on St. Louis's own KPNT and dug what i heard. i sat on the for a few years and then went headlong in. To date i donmt know of a stronger 3 album run than Day for Night, Trouble at the Henhouse, and Phantom Power, which features this song i, if i trust my memory, or maybe it was on Trouble at the Henhouse?  Either way, it's a great song  and the idea of being ahead of one's time is resonating withh me. i feel like part of a generation born in an age where a large population have renoved themselves from the gene pool and focus their lives on self-actualization or some approximation of it. A generation predisposed to occupying themselves independently g experiencing community from afar through shared ideaologies instead of direct interactions, thereby removing some of the power that comes with group think g peer pressure. this generation creates amalgamted cultural identity instead of embracing one to which they are ascribed & has a utilitarian attitude regarding elective emotional attachments.  we have no use for people who shut us down. I used to think i was a throwback, but maybe imm a flash forward?

Chains

If the Ghost of Christmas Past rattled his chains the way I can't help but get my groove on when this song comes on I would sign him up as percussion in my band in a heart beat.  Who needs a tambourine or maracas with that gloomy Gus keeping time rattling his bones?  Seriously though, my mind has been on the limitations and restrictions we place on ourselves, for positive and negative reasons.  Self-restraint is a useful skill that seems under-applied and there's a lot of rhetoric and BS dedicated to justifying the lack of good judgement and self-control being exercised (and promoted).  It's profitable and to say that people are brainwashed isn't an exaggeration, but when you couple mental conditioning with ambivalence and apathy you get a perpetual status quo that occasionally makes adjustments for sake or remaining ubiquitous.  Maybe that's why the passage of time sometimes seems non-existent?  The output of product continues but for certain strata of society it has no impact on their impact on their lives.  When industrialization reaches as far as it can possibly be sustained and every nation on earth advances technologically to the point where the only thing keeping them from a modernized existence is international trade relations what will be the status quo?  What will the standard of living for the majority of the world look like?  What will the typical attitude on life be?  Will people be nostalgic for the varied social strata of the past, with cultures defined by the poverty/ or isolation they emerged from?  What ideas will be bound to?  What will anchor our thinking?  What will we be chained to?  At some point will the focus return to things other than the material world, it seems that's the only thing a person can truly be chained to?

We only notice light when darkness crashes against it.

I happened upon Sleeping At Last about 10 or so years ago.  It's primarily the work of Ryan O'neal, and as their music grew more serene and sophisticated it leapt ahead of my own emotional development, and I have only recently found the sort of peace and reflective state of mind to digest it in what feels like the proper state of mind.  At this stage of my life, the project they've undertaken, christened Atlas, fits the way of consume music and life, in broad philosophical strokes that aim to encompass the whole of life, the grandeur and minutia, everything that gives it meaning.  The first installment of the series of EPs is Darkness, and the song Woodwork (link goes to the lyrics) is the tune that grabbed my attention and captivated me.  The emotional timbre of this song suits my baseline mood these days, especially given the state of transition that seems an eternal constant. In light of the passing of a former coworker of mine this week, a particularly warm and welcoming soul who lit up a room with her smile, and calmed the tears of many a child with her empathetic manner, this song grows ever more poignant.

Ain't It A Shame

When I first heard this on She Who Dwells... I was taken by it. I didn't know it was a B-52s cover.  I just knew it was a great song.  Sinead's voice is incredible and when I heard the original, it was great, and the track is pretty similar, with the Sinead cover being a little more aggressive/ rock.  But her vocal just shines above all else.  Truly an Angelic voice if ever there was one. She's quite the person. Righteous indignation fuels her fires.

Rainy Day Music for the Can't Get Off the Couch Blues.

Ryan Adams, Follow The Lights EP is where it's at, particularly If I Am A Stranger, the slow version, and Dear John.  Love Is Hell is a gem for this kind of day too.

Silence and the rain in the downspout is music enough for me though, percussion mainly.

All My Friends - [Explicit Lyrics - NSFW]

I saw Land of Talk open for Broken Social Scene back in fall 1998. I was transfixed and obsessed with them from that moment forward.  Their sense of rhythm and melody, Elizabeth Powell's beautiful yet broken voice, and the emotional transparency of the music just overwhelmed me.  They songs had me in a rapture and I couldn't go to sleep without finding their music.  If I was smart I would have asked if they had their cd at the merch booth, but since I didn't even know the band's name, I went home and looked up the bill for the show, rather than ask a human amongst the sea of people there at the venue.

I found every song from the EP they'd release the year prior on blogs, with the exception of a couple, which I could only find live versions of.  All My Friends was one of the ones I couldn't find, it was also the one song I couldn't get enough of.  It had possession of me, F*bomb in the chorus and all.  I was conflicted about wanting to play the song all the time, because the inclusion of the swear word may have been artistically sincere when they wrote it, it's still profane, and I believe in being respectful and appropriate.  It's not something I want little kids singing along to, and in general, I have spent the majority of my life with little kids within earshot, and I treasure their innocence, largely because mine was spoiled, and I know what I missed.

The song, much like the moment in my life when I first heard it, put me in the mind of what it's like to be in college, aloof, held up by the support of the rogues gallery of friends and acquaintances you accumulate from one semester to the next.  Bad decisions and influences make the rounds, and codependency grows like weeds.  It's a circle game, and I did my best not to get too caught up in it, but once people catch feelings and start coupling off, the pull strengthens and you're bound to go down if you're hand in hand with someone.  Make of it what you will.  One things for certain, when you have good company, the energy of nosedive sometimes feels like a carnival ride, and this song represents that.  It makes you want to accelerate even though it's telling you to drive careful.  With friends like these...  In the end it falls on you to make the right choices.  Friends are great for support, but life is sand in the hour glass.  The only thing that can support that sand is the enclosure, and we all know that glass is fragile, as is friendship.  It's not for the careless.

"F***ing around, pretending there's a problem. Figure it out."